The Only Right Way Left
by Amybell
Summary: What if Bella agreed to stay human for Edward? How would Edward feel slowly watching her age into death? This is life after the vote. This is Edward's only right way left. Review!
1. Prologue

**I own nothing. Meyer is God.**

_Prologue _

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"Your house."

"Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck," I replied.

"Don't you think that will wake Charlie?"

"Probably. But I'm already grounded, how much more trouble could I get into?"

"None," He said calmly, "He'll blame me, not you."

I sighed and turned toward the window.

"Fine," He huffed, "I'll give you a ride."

"Either way," I said.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

I glanced around the table one more time, and took another deep breath. Edward squeezed my hand again. I glanced toward him.

"Humoring you," He mouthed silently.

I rolled my eyes.

"Alright," I said unsteadily, "I'm going to cast a vote. If you all don't want me, I understand --" Edward flinched, "--but if you do, I'm not going to burden you with my humanity." Esme opened her mouth to protest, I assumed. "Please just let me finish." She nodded. "I love you all so much, and I want to be with you all. Forever, not for sixty more years. So, vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

Edward was visibly tense. I decided to get him over with.

"Do you want me?" I asked. I could see the pain in his eyes when I asked that question, and he obviously could see the pain in mine.

"Not that way. Your staying human," He said stiffly. I swallowed hard and made myself continue.

"Emmett?" His grin could have lit the city.

"Hell yes!" Rosalie glared at him. I smiled slightly.

"Jasper?" He paused, thoughtful.

"I'm sorry, Bella…no." Alice gasped and stared at him with hurt and confusion in her eyes.

I was mildly shocked; I was never sure of his answer, but the rejection still hurt. I moved on to help ease the tension.

"Alice?"

"Of course, Bella. Did you really need to ask?" I smiled at her.

"Carlisle?" I was really worried now. Majority rules, but this was the opinion that mattered the most.

"Sorry, Edward," He said, "I have to agree with Bella on this." Edward glowered at his father figure. "After all," Carlisle added, "You've chosen not to live without her."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said quietly. Edward dropped my hand and stalked out of the room, leaving echoing crashes in his wake.

Five down, two to go.

"Rosalie?"

"No." I nodded, expectant, and began to move on. "Wait. Let me explain. It's nothing personal, Bella. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me." Emmett patted her shoulder, and Carlisle looked almost remorseful for a moment.

I exhaled and turned my head to the very end of the table.

This was the last vote, the deciding factor. This was the opinion that would decide my fate. I turned toward the final Cullen with a smile on my face.

"Esme?" I asked.

She hesitated for a moment, then looked up at me from across the long table. Her golden eyes were kind and warm as always.

She opened her mouth to speak.

"No," she said softly.


	2. Alone In A Crowded Room

**I do not own Twilight. It's acceptable to pity me now. Review please!**

**Taking Back Sunday own the lyrics.**

_And all I need to know is that I'm something you'll be missing. Maybe I should hate you for this, never really did ever quite get that far._

**BPOV.**** Chicago, three years later.**

The streets were thick and crowded, which didn't ease my ever-present tension. My feet ached and my head hurt. My heels clicked along the pavement as I approached my apartment building.

And my depressingly old life.

I smoothly walked into the ground floor lobby, and hurried across the tile. The elevator slowly registered each floor, and I took the time to reflect, as I always did.

Edward and I shared a comfortable two bedroom apartment in the heart of Chicago. I attended college, and Edward stayed indoors during the day. I wasn't sure where the other Cullens were. I kept in touch with Alice, but Edward never mentioned anyone else, and for that I was glad. They brought up too many difficult memories.

Although, I could tell Edward missed them. I should be able to read him well enough by now. It was always in his eyes; the underlying sadness. I tired to comfort him, but this life was tiring for me, as well. School was stressful, and Edward was lonely.

I suppose that _was _my fault. I did take him away from his family. What _would _have been _our _family.

I held so much resentment these days. I resented my job, my lack of a car, my lousy income, my dependency on Edward, and all our fights.

I clutched the key in my palm while sadness entered my heart. I hated fighting with Edward, and I knew it always happened. There was so much distance between us now, and it made me sick.

Before I could move my hand towards the lock, the door swung open to reveal an extremely eager Edward. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me through the threshold.

"Bella," he sighed, enveloping me into a hug. He pulled back for a moment, studying my face. "Are you ill? You have horrible circles under your eyes, and I know that you were in bed by ten last night." I cringed at his words. He didn't seem to notice.

"I'm fine, Edward. I just had a long day."

"Care to tell me about it?"

"No. Not particularly," I said, breaking our routine rhythm.

His brow furrowed in confusion, and his eyes filled with hurt. I stalked off into the bedroom, not looking back. Of course he followed me.

"Bella?" He asked quietly, "Have I done something wrong?" I debated whether or not to tell the truth. I decided it would be best, then we could end this fight that much sooner.

"Yes," I replied.

"What? What is it? I'll fix it, Bella, I swear! I'm sorry!" He was always anxious, conscious of my sadness. He thought I might leave him for bigger and better things. In the past, I never thought I would consider it…

"Do you know what next week is, Edward?"

He paused for a moment, startled by my question. "Your birthday," He said slowly.

"Yes. And how old will I be?"

"Twen-" He began, but I cut him off.

"Twenty two! Twenty two! Do you have any idea how much I _hate _that?"

His eyes narrowed as he realized the nature of our argument. "It's no where near as much as I hate that you hate it!" He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before adding quietly, "I hate that you still want to be like me."

"And I hate that you don't _want me _to be like you! There's a God-awful amount of hate in this room, Edward." He easily caught my double meaning.

"Really, Bella? Do you? Do you hate me for this?" I flinched at the betrayal in his voice. I never wanted to hear him use that tone again.

"Maybe I _should _hate you for this," I said honestly. "But, no, it's not you I hate, Edward. It's this life."

With that, I turned on my heel and walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. Even though he could easily break down the door, I knew he wouldn't. Especially while he was crying. He never intentionally showed weakness in front of me. Regardless, his dry sobs echoed through the vents, filling the small apartment with sorrow.

**Animehamster: You're making Edward cry a lot these days.**

**Me: -laughs- I enjoy it.**

**Edward: Hey! Not nice…-sniffles-**

**Animehamster/Me: Suck it up!**


	3. This Is Morning

**Ah, sorry. This story is kind of on the backburner to I Suppose I'm Not Surprised. But here's the update. This story is going to move kind of fast, no fillers. Alright, this chapter is important. I own nothing. **

**Watch out, this is where the M rating comes in…**

**BPOV**

My breathing was heavy.

Clothes were already torn off, and the pile on the dirty floor was getting larger. My shirt joined his on the ground.

I tried to stifle a moan as his gripped my chest, but it was inevitable. My body reacted while my mind sat back and did nothing.

Nothing to stop this.

I shuddered as my bra joined the mash of scattered clothing. His mouth crushed my own. His tongue slipped past my lips. Surely, now, this was uncharted territory.

I met his passion with a sick need. A growing desperation. A deep rooted sorrow.

His mouth moved from my own and descended down my neck, my collarbone, until he finally reached my chest.

He licked, sucked, bit, and kissed every possible area, gaining small moans and gasps from my unwilling mouth.

His tongue left a wet trail down my stomach and over my navel. I looked down at him as he unbuttoned my slacks with his teeth.

Time was moving too quickly. I blinked, and my pants were discarded as well. I was left nearly bare before his wanton eyes. He stumbled quickly to remove his pants, shoes, socks, shirt, and boxers.

I suddenly felt so much more on display.

I figured that this would be much easier if I didn't…_look _at him.

I stayed focused on his eyes, they glistened in a strange way, hungry in a menacing way.

I suppose you could say I was…unprepared for the thrust of his fingers in my most intimate place. I cried out in shock and pain.

"Are you okay?" He asked breathlessly.

I just nodded and let him continue his ministrations. If this was going to work, I knew that I had to swallow my fear and let it play out, so to speak.

When my panties were suddenly around my ankles, I spread my legs obediently and leaned back against the wall, preparing for impact.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, but I could have never prepared for _that_.

He entered me fully with one sharp, hard thrust.

"Ah!" I cried out in agony.

He didn't seem to hear me. He didn't even seem to notice my obvious virgin status, and therefore obvious pain. He just continued thrusting.

Eventually, the pain subsided a bit. His thrusts became…not pleasurable, necessarily, just less uncomfortable.

He seemed to be enjoying himself, though. His moans echoed in the small, dirty closet.

"Bella!" He gasped. "Oh!"

When he came, it was forceful, and left me breathless. I, on the other hand, never released. I wonder if he noticed.

He pulled out of me and began to hurriedly dress, while glancing at his watch. I bent down to pull up my underwear. My legs were shaking.

He tossed random articles of fabric in my direction. I quickly strapped on my bra, and pulled my blouse over my head. My slacks next, then I slipped on my shoes.

I was uselessly trying to pat down my sex hair with quivering hands.

He looked at me with a humored expression.

"Thanks, babe," He said quietly, kissing my cheek. "I had a real good time."

I nodded helplessly.

"Well," He drawled, looking at his watch again, "looks like our shift is over. I'll see you Monday. Bye, Bella."

"Bye Ethan," I whispered as the door closed.

--

_Oh, God. _

_For nothing. _

Edward knew, of course. I never thought I could hide my deceit from him.

I walked into the apartment. Barely being able to stand, to walk. It hurt so _badly_.

He was waiting.

"I can smell him on you."

"I regret it," I said, tears noiselessly running down my cheeks.

He looked up at me, with so many painful emotions splayed across his face.

Pain, anger, regret, sadness.

All caused by me. I couldn't take it. The pain of knives stabbing my chest made me cry harder.

"Was I not enough?" Edward whispered painfully, staring at me.

"God, no. You were always enough. I'm such a _whore_."

He didn't disagree. Another knife to my heart .

"Do you love him?" I decided to let him ask anything, anything I'd answer.

"No."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"No."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Was he gentle?"

"No."

"Did you plan this?"

"…Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"More than anything."

"Are you going to leave me?"

The yes or no's were finished, I presumed.

"I should be asking you that."

He looked confused. I almost laughed.

"_You _should be leaving _me_. I should be begging you to keep me around. Me, the whore. Not you. Never you."

"No, Bella!" He cried, distraught. "I can't leave you!"

I stared at him wordlessly. "Yes," I said.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm answering your question. Yes, I'm going to leave you."

"B-bella, please! No! I'll be better, Bella, I--"

"Fuck, Edward!" I yelled, interrupting him. "Stop it, damn it. You deserve so much better! I'm lower than dirt now."

His chest shook and he glared at me with such intensity that I could feel a hole burning between my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked in a whisper.

"I'm trying to read your mind!" He wailed.

I flinched at the unspoken accusation in his tone.

"You were willing to give up _everything _for me! Why now? Why leave when every part of me wants you to stay? I'm not waiting for the running and screaming anymore, Bella, so don't get scared _now_!"

I felt as if our positions had suddenly switched. I held _his _heart, now. I could break it, or I could tend to it.

"I was, Edward. I still am. My feelings haven't changed, don't you see? I let myself become taken over by my stupid human hormones! I should have accepted that I couldn't be intimate! I didn't need to stoop to that _filthy _level!"

His whole face was drawn in and sallow now, his eyes sullen. "Bella, none of that matters to me. I forgive you. Wait -- I take that back! There is _nothing _to forgive! It's my fault for not being able to…satisfy you. Just, please, stay with me." His voice was a whisper now.

"I can't!" I cried, exasperated and sorrowful. "Every time I look at you, I'll be reminded of this…this…_betrayal!" _The word came out of my mouth with so much passion, vigor, and self hatred, that Edward was taken aback.

With his eyebrows tightly drawn together, all he do was shake his head in denial. I stepped forward, but turned when I realized that I couldn't give him the goodbye we both wanted, needed. 

I couldn't kiss him goodbye.

I lost that right the moment I stepped into that dark, filthy closet.


	4. Get Out While You Can

**Hey guys. I know it's been a while, but you don't want my excuses, so here's the next chapter. I hope you're all still here… **

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight series.**

**Fall Out Boy own the lyrics.**

**EPOV -- (Three years later)**

"_And, as always, I'm not addicted to you."_

The night air was thick and moist, and the humidity permeated my pores, as if I were sweating. The long, narrow street was empty to the curious onlooker, but I knew there were things unseen by even my eyes. Darkness touched every structure and sidewalk, aside from the pavement under one lone streetlight, which flickered every few seconds, adding an essence of menace and cliché to the uninhabited road.

I glided through the shadows, searching for what I knew was here. I hastily avoided the dark glass of shop windows, fearing the evil of my reflection would catch my eye.

I didn't need reminders.

At unidentifiable speeds, I scanned each individual alley. First the left side, then the right. Nothing.

Confusion and frustration were battling for the place of dominant emotion. Frustration seemingly won.

Where _were _they?

I blew out a breath through my gritted teeth, trying to maintain control of my unrestrained anger. And barely succeeding.

I was irate. And exasperated. And depressed. And _thirsty_.

I then began to walk at a more acceptable human pace, nearly giving up hope in my exhaustive search. I lithely stepped over a grungy sewage drain, where excess water from prior rainstorms nosily filtered in.

And then I heard it.

Voices. _Finally_.

"He was okay, I guess. Not the best I've had."

"Don't you mean '_endured_'?"

Laughter. I crept closer.

"You want to go home and change? Maybe get something to eat?"

"Sure thing."

Closer.

"Shit, it's late."

"Yeah."

Closer still.

Here. I. Am.

"Ladies," I greeted, a cynical smile on my face. "I'm looking for a good time."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**3****RD**** PERSON **

Bella cringed as she put on her shoes. Heels again. She pulled down her skirt and smoothed her hair back from her face.

The sound of her shoes hitting the linoleum filled the tense air as she walked the corridors of her apartment, shutting lights as she passed. The front door shut with finality, and she replaced the key in the door frame after locking up.

Time to go. Her soul belonged to the streets, and nearly anyone on them.

_Whore_. He'd never denied it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**EPOV**

It had been difficult to chose.

Blonde or brunette? I normally hated playing God, but today…

_Brunette. _

She was good, as far as sex goes. And by now I'd had enough experience to make a correct analysis on her performance skills. She'd moaned and sighed at all the right times, just like any other woman of her profession would. I'd told her my name -- I saw no harm in that -- but she'd not returned the formality. I supposed if I asked I'd have received a response along the lines of "Candy" or "Alexis." So I didn't. I never did.

Tonight, and every night, some nameless, faceless girl was Bella Swan. For the price I offered, I could call them any name I pleased.

Bella it was.

I was never sure if it was easier or harder to complete the final step while they were awake or asleep. But I never experimented. I never wanted to watch the life fade out of another faceless Bella's eyes.

So asleep it always was. My sickly routine.

Her dark hair contrasted against the white of the hotel pillow it fanned out on. It was a rich brown, nearly black, and shoulder length. Straight, with no waves. I thought her eyes might have been brown, but it was too late to know.

Her naked body was covered from the collarbone down, but the filmy white sheet didn't cover much from my heightened eyes. They never aroused me after I've had them. Mostly I thought the acts I always committed post-copulation discouraged my libido, but sometimes I believed that the women themselves were never the sirens. Sometimes I thought it was just the blood.

I shook my head, futility trying to clear my mind. No such luck.

I tossed one leg over her body, straddling her. I craned my neck so that my nose could skim along the skin of her throat, and inhaled deeply.

Abruptly, she stirred.

"W-what--" she began to ask, but I felt compelled to cut her off.

"What's your name?" I whispered intently, staring into her brown eyes. I wasn't sure if she would be honest, but something deep inside me needed to know her name.

I would never know why, but she told me the truth.

"Allison."

And then I killed her.

It was the most sour blood I'd ever drank.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**3****RD**** PERSON **

The Chicago air was sharply icy, but Bella didn't let it get to her. She had appearances to keep up, after all.

It was a slow night. Wednesdays always were. Chicago's lonely and desperate were at their middle-class cubicle jobs, and Bella was here.

She began to pace across the concrete, occasionally casting furtive glances down the street, where other girls were actually _getting _business.

Even in the world with the lowest standards, she was still not enough.

Before she could think about calling it a night, a sleek black limousine came to a halt in front of her curb. The whirring sound of the automatic window filled the night as the dark glass descended.

A hand shot out of the opened space, offering a large wad of bills. The top bill was a hundred. Bella stared at the arm that was bleached white by the street lamp, and tried to peer into the confines of the car.

"Is this enough for a night?" a smooth voice asked.

Bella gave a flirty smile and leaned forward.

"Of course," she replied silkily.

As if on command, the backseat door opened, and the same hand beckoned her in.

The back of her thighs squeaked awkwardly against the leather seat. Typical Bella. She looked at her company for the night.

He was handsome, she supposed. Strong jaw, high cheek bones, and an artfully curved nose. His hair was cropped, yet still attractive, and white-blonde. He turned to look at her as they passed another street light, and she could see a lusty gleam in his bright green eyes.

As they drove on, Bella wondered what his name was.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**EPOV**

The long black car rushed past me in a blur.

Damn it.

She would've been perfect. From a distance, she nearly looked like…

I clenched my eyes and fists at the mere thought of her. I really needed to get over that.

I needed to forget about the girl in the car, and I needed to forget about Bella.

I needed another.

I sprinted the street in search of a new nightly companion, but I new any other girl tonight would be a disappointment in comparison to the one that got away.

She would've been the best Bella yet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**I bet no one expected **_**that **_**turn of eve****nts. Is anyone still here?**

**Well…please review! It's the only motivation here, people. **


	5. Once A Whore, You're Nothing More

**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! Okay, so I'm glad that no one is confused. Keep in mind that this story is only going to be a few chapters. Here we go.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the Twilight series. **

**Fall Out Boy own the lyrics.**

**EPOV**

"_I'm a nervous wreck."_

The disappointment was staggering.

Days, weeks, years pass. Even when it's incomprehensible. Even when each glance of pity or fear ignites you like the strike of a match. They pass unendingly, in sickening insignificance and unnerving finality. But pass they do.

Even for me.

The walls around me were cast in shadow, reminding me of the hour. It was time to hunt, but I couldn't bring myself to move. The past years, filled with nothing but the two worst kinds of lust, filled my mind.

And so did the girl.

The whore.

The would-be Bella.

I blinked, and felt the last of my contact lenses dissolve. I was supposed to have fed by now. How was I supposed to lure a woman to my bed with the eyes of a devil?

I sighed, and the dust that had gathered on the windowsill flew up in a flurry of tiny particles, and I watched them as they descended. The rest of the motel remained the same as before the last girl, Allison -- I would never forget her name. Only now, a tiny spot of blood marred the cover of the Bible that rested on the nightstand table. The irony did not go unnoticed.

As the thought entered my mind, my gaze wandered over to the item in question, and zeroed in on the macabre stain. Abruptly, I was on my feet, hastily shoving the holy book into the drawer. Aren't those things supposed to be kept _inside _the nightstand to begin with? I sighed again, this time inwardly, and tried to redirect my thought process. I was thirsty, and it was time to hunt.

Despite my thirst, I found myself watching the sun rise from the over-stuffed, flower-printed arm chair in the motel room. Without a good meal, or a good fuck.

Suddenly, I was consumed with a blinding rage.

Damn that girl for making me think of Bella.

Damn Bella for invading my every thought.

Damn Bella for creating impossible standards.

Damn Bella for being irreplaceable.

Damn Bella for being a stupid, cheating whore.

Damn Bella for being so beautiful.

Damn Bella for _leaving me. _

My eyes darted around the room as my hands shook; I needed something to exert my anger upon. When I finally left the motel room, it was coated in sawdust and completely indistinguishable.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**3****rd**** PERSON**

_Three…four…five hundred, _Bella counted as she exited the lavish hotel. She was in such high spirits that the disgusted stares and nervous glances from street patrons didn't bother her as much as usual.

And her client -- Patrick, his name was-- with his soft green eyes and beautiful body had pleased her in ways she didn't know possible. Bella had her first true moment of happiness, where nothing but the obvious and unchangeable was wrong. She was independent, debt-free, and satisfied in the most primal ways.

For now, things were good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**EPOV**

I wished the sun would set.

Impatience stems from purpose, and I certainly had one. Tonight was the night I searched for the girl. The one who got away. Tonight, she was mine.

As soon as the God-forsaken sun faded.

I checked the time again -- five-thirty. Any moment now, the sun would be gone, and the protective veil of darkness would cast the city in shadow, and the hunter would have his prey…

My thirst was nearly uncontrollable, making my anxiousness increase ten-fold. I had not fed since I first saw the girl nearly three weeks ago. With my diet now only consisting of human blood, I had noticed that my daily resistance was weakening. I needed to feed _now_.

My eyes twitched again to the window. I had to relocate motels, obviously, and my room was unluckily located under the remaining shaft of sunlight. God truly hates sinners.

After ten more minutes of agony wreaking havoc in my throat, I charged out of the room, sunlight or not. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, anything to ease the burning.

I was primal, savage with thirst, unrestrained. My thoughts and emotions began to take on the form of the monster that I was. All I could think of was her blood. My new Bella. She would be mine.

Minemineminemineminemine.

Firefirefirefirefirefirefirefirefire.

Runrunrunrunrunrun.

Leftrightleftleftrightightright.

Bellalovebloodminefireburnpainsorry.

Fuckfuckfucksorrysorrysorry.

Stop.

I turned the corner, and there, feet away. I could tell only by the shoes she wore. The same scuffed, black, shiny heels. She had the same long brown hair. I wondered if she, too, smelt like flowers, like the bitc--Bella. Like Bella had.

I slid on my sunglasses, knowing the color of my eyes was unappealing, in the least. I would have to buy more contact lenses after disposing of her. I stopped thinking of tomorrows chores and again became the hunter.

Closerclosercloser.

Quietquietquiet.

Wantneedbloodbloodbloodblood.

The hunt was on.

A cold breeze blew my scent in her direction, and she stiffened. We were still meters apart. Could she sense me from here?

"Ma'am, I'm loo--" I began my traditional line in a voice meant solely for seduction, but cut off abruptly as two things happened simultaneously.

The same chilling wind that blew my scent to her, reversed and blew the girls essence directly into my face at the same time she brusquely spun to face me.

I inhaled the scent that I'd learned to live with out, and gazed upon the face that made me bitter.

As freesia coated my tongue, and my eyes rolled back into my head, I could have but one thought.

_Revenge. _

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Again, I'm sorry that took forever, and I'm also sorry this is so short. I won't burden you with excuses, but please let me know that you're still here! **

**So, I have no idea what's up with this chapter…I suppose Edward's angrier than I thought…**

**Stay tuned and REVIEW PLEASEEEEEE. **


	6. You'll Never See Me Fall From Grace

**I'm not even going to make an excuse. Moving on, I had no intention of writing the last chapter like that. When I started, Edward didn't really have a vendetta. But…things change? So…I really hope he doesn't…oh, I don't know…kill her…or something.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga.**

**Fall Out Boy own the lyrics.**

**Shakespeare owns the R&J quotes. ;D**

**EPOV**

"_You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true."_

Our reactions were completely contradicting, yet startlingly similar. Both of our postures were rigid and tense, our jaws clenched, and our eyes widened and locked onto each other.

That's where the similarities ended.

She exhaled shakily and darted her eyes, anxious and uncertain, like an actor who had forgotten lines. I, on the other hand, retained my stiff position. My vision began to blur around the edges, adapting a feral red tone. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't _breathe. _The rage that ran as thick as blood seemed to pound through my dormant veins, and surge my adrenaline. The fury was a frightening paralytic. Whether it had been seconds, hours, or years since she had turned, I could not tell. I could only feel the hate burn through me like the blackest of fires.

The rational side of my mind frantically tried to push aside the more violent thoughts that struggled to manifest themselves into actions. I knew, somewhere inside myself, that I didn't _really _want to kill Bella. It wasn't I who wanted to slam her skull into the pavement until she realized what she had done to me. It wasn't I who desired her blood spilt on the concrete, the asphalt, her neck, _down my throat…_

No, no. Not I.

_Stop imagining it_, I told myself. I needed something to focus on, and quickly. My mind could trace many thought patterns at once, and it was all too easy to return to the tempting image of Bella sprawled naked, blood running down her neck…her chest…

_Stop! _

I tried, but it again seemed that all I worked at in life ended in failure. I could not halt the flow of my thoughts from traveling to how I had been wronged.

And suddenly, it was all I could think of. It was true that I could ponder many things at once, but this was simply staggering. While one part of my mind remembered the destructive fights, another remembered the our last conversation, and another remembered the scent of that man on her skin. I couldn't escape the memories.

And now, as we stared each other down, my thoughts tried to arrange themselves. My subconscious prepared for battle. Everything about Bella Swan set off warnings in my mind.

_Stay away!_ My thoughts shouted, _She'll hurt you!_

I wondered how this confrontation would end. Even with the contempt I held for her, I wanted Bella to walk away unharmed. No blood, no foul, no remorse. I briefly thought on my once tender feelings of love for Bella. I was nearly wistful.

"_Is love a tender thing?_" I quoted, much too low for her ears. "_It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn_."

I thought on the implications of that phrase, and attempted to apply it to this situation. If love was not the gentle emotion I thought it was, what was I feeling now? Did I think myself capable of hating the very thing I once loved? I then remembered I had quoted Romeo, of all characters, and chastised myself for taking advice from such a foolish character. I thought of the following verses of the play, and decided to take Mercutio's advice instead.

"_If love be rough with you, be rough with love; prick love for pricking, and you beat love down._"

Here goes nothing. Or everything.

"Isabella Swan," I said with my best sneer. "I'd say it's been too long, but then I'd be a liar."

I had her reaction mapped out perfectly in my mind. She'd flinch, her eyes would tear up, she'd exhale quietly, then make some whispered apology or kind remark.

I smirked as Bella predictably flinched. The tears would be next, I imagined.

To my utter surprise, her eyes did not fill with tears, but with anger and determination.

"Why would that bother you?" she snapped. "You're already a liar."

Well.

This I hadn't predicted.

"Nice career path," I retorted. "Do you show your lovely clientele your Dartmouth degree, or do they already know of your prior whoring experience?"

I actually felt a little remorseful. I don't think I'd ever spoken profanely in front of Bella. I thought this would quickly silence her-—it hit her straight in the insecurities.

"Both. We meet at Starbucks and exchange resumes before any services are exchanged—but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

I bit back a growl as instinctive, animalistic jealousy coursed through me. To think that so many men had been where I'd never been, had seen what I'd _never _seen, had touched what was _mine_…it sickened me. It made me furious. I wanted to kill and drink and break and destroy. And I didn't think Bella knew the extent of my newfound animalism. She still viewed me as rational and human-like, when I was truly much changed.

_The side affects of human blood include…_

_The side affects of human blood include…_

_The side affects of human blood include…_

_The side affects of human blood include…_

I repeated it in my head like a television commercial, and tried to distract myself from the pulsing anger.

The only thing I could think of to sate my own turmoil was Bella's.

"No, you're right, I wouldn't. But, honestly?" I spit out through clenched teeth as I searched for an insult to wipe the smirk off her beautiful face. "I've made up for it—and _then _some."

Now she decides to get teary-eyed?

The guilt was somehow morphing into anger, and I tried to distract myself with stray thoughts.

Everything came back to her.

I had to think of something quickly, because my resentment, rage, and jealously were building, and images of sunshine and butterfly gardens could only last so long.

I was anxious yet terrified. Due to frequent consumption of human blood, my control was half of what it used to be, and the rage made my thirst burn stronger.

I was anxious because the animal in me craved the hunt.

I was terrified because I hadn't fed in nearly a month—

_And Bella was the closest warm body. _

———————————————————————————————————————————

**Reviews make the world go 'round. **


	7. Counting Stars

I'm sorry! Real life. That's all I'll say about the delay. But I will let you know that I have an outline, and I plan on wrapping this up in about five more chapters.

The time between updates now depends on the amount of reviews!

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Sugarcult own the lyrics.

* * *

"_**Could I be the way I was? In control? You painted a picture -- I'm the worst type of sinner you know."**_

_**Previously:**_

I was anxious yet terrified. Due to frequent consumption of human blood, my control was half of what it used to be, and the rage made my thirst burn stronger.

I was anxious because the animal in me craved the hunt.

I was terrified because I hadn't fed in nearly a month—

_And Bella was the closest warm body. _

* * *

**BPOV**

He froze. It was a rigidity that was familiar. A breeze blew past, lightly tossing my hair across my face and neck. I didn't care. My eyes were unhindered as I stared at him…and that was all that mattered. With his eyes tightly shut and his hands fisted at his sides, Edward turned his face toward the direction of the wind and inhaled deeply.

He was a stranger, and had the visage of a predatory animal.

And when he finally opened his eyes to look at me, I knew they'd be pitch black. In that moment where his gaze locked on mine, he was truly alien and I was truly terrified.

His eyes were wide black circles. The color was flat and uninviting, and his pupils were indistinguishable. Edward's face was an expressionless mask, and I couldn't discern anger from hunger in his countenance. Perhaps it was both. Irrationally, I longed for the Edward of a few moments ago. The one who made bitingly harsh comments. However masochistic, that short-tempered façade was preferable to this one.

His hollowed-out eyes pierced like no knife could. Under that stare I felt small, weak, vulnerable, and _dirty_. The scathing comments he had previously directed at me had merely pinched at my emotional wall as he said them -- now they stung bitterly as I thought them over, coupled with his dark glare.

Abruptly, as if reading my thoughts, his stare seemed to grow darker, heavier with his intense anger, and his eyes narrowed cruelly at me.

"Go," he rasped darkly.

Startled by his unexpected speech, I replied, "W-what?"

"Go!" he said again, this time more forcefully. I exhaled heavily, disturbed by his behavior, but preparing to comply nonetheless. As I did so, he winced a breath through his clenched teeth, and tightened his already taut fists.

Slowly, it dawned on me. The realization felt like waking up in a mildly familiar setting that you can't quite name.

_Of course_, I thought, _of course he wants me to go. He drinks humans now_. I thought that with mild disgust. _My scent must be torture…any moment he could just…oh damn. _

As my thoughts finally came full circle, and I stupidly understood his warning, I turned and bolted away from him. Desperately trying to avoid looking back. My heart pounded as adrenaline seeped more quickly now into my blood stream. I had kicked off my cumbersome heels a few meters back.

Too frightened and caught up in the moment to look back, I continued running.

Three blocks later, I decided that if he was chasing me, I'd be dead already. That in mind, I stopped sprinting and looked behind me. The view seemed clear, hindered only by the occasional pedestrian or flickering street light. I craned my neck around a mailbox, just to be sure.

Nope. No Edward.

I shakily sighed, still staring back the way I came. In that moment, I felt a kind of deep-rooted sadness that I couldn't shake. Even after the argument we had, even after he had so carelessly insulted me, he still protected me. He told me to run.

He could have sucked me dry. I knew he might've. He'd changed quite a bit.

Letting that thought be the bittersweet closure I needed, I turned back around.

And knocked straight into Edward.

* * *

**APOV**

Oh. My. God.

"Jasper!" I yelled. "Plane tickets, now! Edward is going to kill Bella!"

* * *

**EPOV**

The small part of me that yearned for Bella's safety was now completely consumed. I was now the monster, and I could not be contained.

I stood behind her as she looked back, searching with her weak eyes. As if she could have seen me. At that moment, it took everything I had to hold back the snicker that was dying to break through. But I did.

And then, finally, she turned around.

She had this troubled, yet content look on her face. I was about to make her former troubles seem insignificant.

In her haste, she knocked right into my chest. Bad mistake, little Bella.

I caught her by the shoulder. Her eyes were now afraid. As they should be.

"Why, hello, Bella," I said. My tone was sweet enough to rot teeth.

I took my hand off her shoulder and crossed my arms. I stared into her horror-filled eyes.

Randomly, and for no good reason, she ran headlong in the opposite direction.

I clucked my tongue. "Stupid, stupid girl," I muttered sadly. I quickly caught up to her.

Grabbing her by the wrist, I pulled her arm back so that it was nearly perpendicular to her torso. The sickening snap accompanied by her painful shriek was just enough to make the effort satisfying. I leaned in close to her face. The salt from her abundant tears made her blood smell even more enticing. That, coupled with the fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins made her completely irresistible.

I ran my lips along her throat. "Oh, Bella," I crooned. "I've missed you."

She just sobbed harder.

"Think of it this way," I reasoned. "Now I'll always have a part of you with me."

I opened my mouth and pushed my teeth against the pulsing vein.

"Wait, Edward." At last she spoke. "Please don't." Tears in her voice. It almost made me remorseful. I'm sure that, were I my usual self, I would have succumbed to her pleas by now.

But I don't think I'll ever be the same.

This time, when I opened my mouth, I closed it around Bella's pretty little neck.

Blood had never been sweeter.


End file.
